


Small Confessions

by Oruka



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, Personality Issues, introvert/extrovert discussions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-01
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 08:07:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,562
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13543236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oruka/pseuds/Oruka
Summary: They all work too hard, but some of them bear it better than others. After a particularly long stint on-duty, Keith is tired. Too tired, it turns out. And sometimes you need to tell the reason that you're carrying on that they are, in fact, the reason you carry on.





	Small Confessions

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this finished for a long time, but haven't felt like posting it.
> 
> Today I had a Bad Day, the likes of which I haven't felt in years. I thought depression had let me go, but here it is again. I hope it doesn't stick around. I took the time to clean this up and post it, because productivity is part of the cure for me, and because the Sheith fandom can always do with more sweet kisses~
> 
> Written after I realised something fundamental about my own ability to socialise - or more specifically, that my desire to spend time alone was not a flaw that needed treating, but a cure for a different problem.
> 
> Celebrate your downtime, kids, it's precious.

Gods, it was gruelling.

Fighting? They could do fighting. Every spare hour, they trained for it. Excessively, in some of them, like it was the only thing they had to keep them from going spare.

Dogfights? The lions knew what was up. The paladins too, they had learned a lot. They moved in synch, shot and rammed and swallowed their opponents, wiping them out of the void because it was win, win or lose everything.

_Meetings?_

“It’s been… what? Five days already? _Five days,_ Shiro.”

“I know, I know. Just… bear with it, okay?”

So Keith bit his tongue and bore it like a martyr.

Mostly, the representatives of Ankhoris were keen to speak to Allura, a legendary princess about whom so many new rumours had come to light. Altea lived through her. Perhaps she could save them, too. But the locals on this planet wanted to talk to Pidge. Nobody from the Castle of Lions was quite sure why at first, least of all Pidge herself.

Maybe they appreciated robotics, Hunk suggested.

Maybe they liked cute girls, Lance thought.

And they followed Pidge like a disciple and a bodyguard respectively, as she was invited to speak with so many inventors and innovators and outright insane personalities, taking the whole thing in her stride.

Shiro and Coran stayed with Allura. With nothing else to do, Keith stayed with them, too.

“Why not go back to the castle,” Shiro suggested on the eighth day, “Nothing’s going to happen right now, rest up.”

“No,” was all Keith said.

 _I’m not leaving you,_ was what Shiro heard.

Gods, how it twisted. He knew what it meant.

“You’re too tired,” he tried. “You really ought to rest.”

“No.”

“What if said it was an order?”

“You know I don’t take orders,” Keith replied, expression firm.

This wasn’t a battle Shiro could win.

“Alright,” he said, “Just… take it easy.”

 

It was day eleven when the retaliation came.

The lions flew, the paladins fought, but it was gristly. Eighteen hours it took them, before they were finally chasing the last stragglers out of Ankhoris’ atmosphere. Everyone was on top form, the length of the battle drawn out by the sheer number of attacking Imperial fighters.

And Keith, whose movements had become slow.

More than once, Hunk clipped him with his cannon.

More than once, Lance caught him with his beam.

“Get out of the _way!_ ” Came shrieking down the comms more often than it ought to, and Keith unleashed his fury and took the fight to the enemy, Red taking no prisoners, following the last few stragglers out into open space, breaking out of orbit and burning them all. Not one single fighter made the jump back into unknown space. Their tale would be told by their silence.

 

The Ankhorrim agreed to be allies of Voltron, and then asked them to leave, so they left.

“You were all over the fucking place, Keith! What the hell!”

No reply came. Lance stepped forward and put a hand on Keith’s shoulder, trying to be everyone’s big brother all at once.

“Dude I’m sorry, but you were really off kilter, you know? You hardly _ever_ stray into my line! What’s eating you?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Like hell!”

“Just… leave me alone, okay?”

“Not when you’re hurting, dude! I’m just worried about you, you wanna talk?”

Keith moved suddenly, gripped Lance by the elbows and lifted him, slamming him backwards into a wall as everyone turned to respond.

“ _Leave. Me. Alone_ ,” he growled through gritted teeth, still snarling as Hunk and Shiro moved to separate the two of them, eyes not leaving Lance’s shocked face until Shiro turned him around, forcing Keith to take in a view that consisted of nothing but Black Paladin armour.

“You,” Shiro said to Lance, “Get to the bridge, I’ll talk with you later. _Now,”_ he finished, as nobody moved. Lance and Pidge scuttled off quickly, Hunk wavering momentarily before he followed.

“And you,” Shiro said, much more softly, “Need to rest.”

“No, I can’t, we’ve still got—”

“Can you open wormholes?”

“…No,” Keith admitted, like it hurt him to say so.

“Can you pilot the Castle?”

“No.”

“Then rest. You need to take a day, Keith. Listen, I’m not saying I don’t love your company, cos I do, believe me, I love it. But I don’t want to see you for at least two day cycles, okay? You need down time.”

“I don’t want—”

“That _is_ an order.”

“I don’t take orders.”

“Then take it from your friend. A suggestion. It’s not just about sleep, it’s about down time. You’re an introvert, you need to reset yourself.”

Keith took in a breath to start with _but what if—_

“If Voltron is needed, I expect you to be there. That’s our job, that’s your duty. In all other circumstances, I want you to take a day off.”

Shiro dipped his head, making sure Keith saw him eye-to-eye.

“Okay?”

“…Alright.”

 

 

 

Lance stood as soon as Shiro stepped onto the bridge. So did everyone else, the fear that something was wrong weighing heavy in the air.

“Did I—”

“No,” Shiro said comfortingly, “No, Lance, you didn’t do or say anything wrong.”

“Is it a Galra thing?” Hunk had been quick to embrace Keith’s heritage, although he admitted it was equal parts solidarity and curiosity.

“No, it’s not a Galra thing, it’s actually really simple. Just— Listen, you know about personality types. Introverts and extroverts, right?”

They all nodded. Allura and Coran frowned, the words not quite translating for them, so Shiro elaborated.

“Generally it means people who are really outgoing, or more private. Like Lance, you’re an extrovert, right? You love company.”

“Oh man, ain’t that the truth.”

“Except… Pidge?”

“It’s more elaborate than that,” Pidge provided, pushing her glasses up. “Extroverts love company, but loneliness really impacts on them. Like, Matt’s an extrovert. He can’t go a day without bothering someone for some sort of company. He needs feedback. It’s a pain in the ass,” she added, “but that’s how he is. I gotta say I love the feedback too, but I don’t need it twenty-four hours a day.” She smirked. “I _know_ I’m the best.”

“So you’re not an extrovert?” Lance asked, genuinely curious.

“Well I think am, but not so much. Now if I’m following this discussion correctly, what Shiro is saying is that Keith is an introvert.” She looked back at Shiro, catching him in the middle of remembering Matt. “Right?”

“Strongest one I’ve ever known,” Shiro agreed.

“We already knew that, though. He’s a loner.”

“He’s not,” Shiro disagreed, feeling defensive in a way that he hadn’t felt in years. “He just…” he struggled to find the words. He knew what he wanted to say, but the words wouldn’t come.

Thank the stars for Hunk, who could translate technical down into layman like it was easy.

“It’s about energy. Extroverts need social interaction to feel energetic. Leave them alone and they flag. Badly. Like you, Lance, you really hated the Mars isolation sim, cos it forced you to spend a long time alone, but you bounced back as soon as you were out. Introverts are kinda the reverse, they expend energy on interaction, and need to take time alone to recharge. They’re better at alone time, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they like it for long stretches.”

“So Keith is a… fancy loner. What’s the word?”

“Introvert,” Hunk repeated.

“Introvert,” Lance mimicked, learning the word. “Spends energy on people, recharges in isolation. As opposed to—” He pointed at Pidge.

“Extroverts,” Pidge put in.

“—Who spend energy on isolation, and recharge on interaction. Kinda like a battery.” He turned to look at a slightly stunned Shiro. “Is that right?”

“Perfect,” Shiro murmered, impressed. It wasn’t the whole picture, but it was a damned good one, and Lance had picked it up fast.

“And Keith is an introvert. Makes sense, I mean he lived in the desert for a year without bitching much. Oh come on,” he said as everyone started to talk over him, “You’ve seen in his headspace in melding, he liked that solitude!”

He really had liked it, Shiro remembered.

“He said as much on Olkarion, he liked the quiet you only get in nature.” Pidge took a seat at her console. “I think that trip taught me more about him that I ever expected to learn, to be honest.”

“And he was knackered just now because of all the treaty wrangling on Ankhoris. And you just put him in time out to fix that.”

“You’ve got it, Lance,” said Shiro, proudly. “I’m sorry he snapped and lashed out, and I’m sorry his performance in that last battle wasn’t his usual best, he was pushing too hard to keep up with us.”

“He’s gonna be okay, though?”

“For sure.”

“And it’s not a Galra thing.”

“I don’t think so. Although, to be fair, it could be universal?”

They all turned to look at their Altean comrades, who had remained oddly quiet.

“..It makes sense,” Allura provided, after a long pause for thought. “I always thought Keith was just cantankerous, but I remember that trait in a number of Alteans. Galra, too.”

“It explains a lot about King Alfor,” Coran supplied, a kind hand on Allura’s shoulder. “And your mother, come to think of it. She was quite reserved, we always thought. No doubt at all that it was love, but I guess she just enjoyed her own company a lot.”

Finally, the team turned their collective attention back to Shiro.

“So… what are you?” Lance asked. “Just in case I need to put you in time out sometime.”

“Not sure,” Shiro confessed, “I’m not really sure. I might have been an introvert, once. Extroverts don’t make good deep-space pilots. I like peace and quiet. But I can honestly say I dread the idea of ever being left alone again.”

 

 

 

Keith trained, alone, and studied Altean, alone. And slept, and showered, and meditated, all alone. And then his two day cycles were up. And it was true, he really did feel totally rested now. He wished he’d noticed it long ago, but Shiro had been right. Social interaction exhausted him as much, if not more than battle, and he needed solitude to really rest. And now that he was rested, he was more than ready for some company.

He found Shiro in the ballroom, alone, sitting astride a solitary chair dragged right up close to the floor-to-ceiling windows, staring out into space. Not really looking at anything, just letting his mind drift. Not a great sign, but better than not finding him at all.

“Shiro.”

Shiro turned his head just enough to show that he’d registered his name being called, and that was as good as a beckoning hand. Keith moved to join him, feet sounding too loud and heavy in the cavernous room.

“Feeling better?”

“Much better, thanks. Can I join you?”

“Please.”

There were no other chairs. Shiro must have dragged his in from somewhere else. Never mind, Keith just dropped to sit on the floor beside him. There was an easy, comfortable silence between them, no great need to talk even after a day apart. It wasn’t as if anything could have happened in that short space of time. If they’d been summoned to battle, they both would have been there, and even then there would have been nothing to say.

Keith had a couple of things to say, though.

“I’ve been thinking. I have a few small confessions to make.”

“…What, to me?”

“Sure. Forgive me, Shiro, for I have sinned, it has been fourteen wormholes since I last saw a church…”

Shiro laughed, a soft, warm sound that folded around Keith like honey.

“Seriously, Shiro. Firstly I want you to know that it was me who used to take your Hayate out for joy rides.”

Shiro fell silent. Thoughtful.

“ _Son of a bitch_.”

“Yeah, so… I’m sorry?”

“You always brought her back with a full tank, though. And not a scratch, I wouldn’t have noticed if security hadn’t alerted me.” Shiro laughed again, delighted at an old, minor mystery explained.

“Forgive me?”

“Yeah, yeah, I forgive you! I would have just given you the keys, though.”

Well, maybe he would have. But younger Keith wouldn’t have had the guts to ask. He’d been much more comfortable with machines than with people. He was much more used to stealing than asking.

“Second thing is… more important.”

Shiro nodded, stood from his chair, twirling it under his hand as me moved to join Keith, cross-legged on the floor. He wasn’t looking at the stars any more, he was focusing on his friend.

“Okay.”

“You told me you could see what the Marmora trial showed me… Um. Everything I said was true.” Keith glanced at Shiro’s face, keeping an eye on his expression. A neat trick if you could learn the code, because Shiro could render himself almost entirely unreadable if he wanted to. He wasn’t trying to now, though. His eyebrows were raised, awaiting further information.

“…You’re really gonna make me say it.”

“I’m a scientist, Keith, I’m not going to act on theories without solid evidence.”

“What utter bullshit. I’ve seen you run to try and punch a sniper.”

Shiro just shrugged, and smiled.

Fine.

“I love you.”

Keith waited for the air to chill, for Shiro’s expression to fall. He waited to be abandoned once more, left alone to deal with the consequences of his words, but nothing changed. Shiro kept his silent smile.

“And… I’m in love with you. Just so we’re clear, those are two different feelings.”

Shiro nodded slowly, but still said nothing.

“You’re not gonna say anything?”

“You’re not done yet.”

“You’re infuriating. Okay, I’ve got— I mean, I have to ask, just so I don’t embarrass myself any further: Did you have a gir— a partner? Back on Earth?”

“No.”

“Someone you were sweet on, then? Or someone who would be real upset if you went off one day and came back… I dunno, dead. Or married to a stranger.”

“Yeah, I had someone like that. Still do, I hope.”

“…Okay. Sorry to have burdened you with my confession, then,” said Keith, his mood immediately sinking like a lead weight.

“That person, I never told them. Wanted to, but there were too many implications, I was on track for a pretty dangerous career. But when I fell to Earth, they were still there to catch me. It was incredible, I’d never felt so alive.”

For a mad three seconds Keith could only think of Iverson before the implication kicked in, and kicked him right in the heart.

“No… not… _me_?”

Another smile. “You.”

Keith felt his entire body clench, ready to fight or run. To take this problem away somewhere quiet and deal with it on his own. Always on his own. He wasn’t staring at Shiro, his features had just shut down while his mind tried to process matters. Shiro tilted his head to the side, and once again said nothing.

“Then… this is the important one.” Keith swallowed, wanting to say so many other things, but focusing on this last big question mark.

“I’m never going back to Earth.” The words dropped out of his mouth like rocks, emotionless and final.

That did cause a shift in Shiro’s pose. His eyes left Keith’s to stare back out at the stars.

“Why not?”

“There’s nothing there for me. Everyone I care about is on this ship — you, and all the others… and I’ll do every last thing I can to see that they all get home safe, that there’s an Earth for them to return to, but… Not me. I can’t live on Earth again.”

He had expected opposition. He knew how much all of them hungered for Earth, for its lands and seas, high forests and weird weather patterns. For their families. He missed the desert, of all things. He missed that whipped-up, unreal landscape.

He used to think it was almost alien, that strange terrain. Turned out it had been almost uniquely Earth’s.

Shiro moved. Keith closed his eyes, lips ready to form apologies as soon as he heard Shiro turn to leave the room, but no footsteps fell behind him. A warmer presence moved up against his side, the familiar, steady aura enveloping him as Shiro slipped into Keith’s space, and they would have now been sitting shoulder-to-shoulder on the floor if Shiro hadn’t got all that extra height going on.

A metal arm nudged at Keith’s elbow.

“Anything else to confess?”

“I once installed Vista on the flight sim,” Keith blurted out.

“That was you, huh? Of course.”

“I was having a rough week and I’m not sorry.”

That seemed to be a good enough reason, if the understanding rumble in Shiro’s chest was anything to go by.

 _I love you._ He’d said it. _I’m in love with you._ And Shiro had just nodded. Like he already knew. Like it wasn’t a big deal. _Someone he was sweet on. You caught me—_

“Okay, your penance is to help train Lance in hand-to-hand. And take firearms training from him without complaint.”

Keith groaned. Patience could only stretch so far.

“My turn then. Forgive me, Keith, for I have sinned…” He paused as Keith barked out a rare laugh. “I have never knowingly set foot inside a church.”

“Okay, then what’s your sin?”

“I haven’t told the others, but I don’t really plan to return to Earth either.”

This time it really did feel like the air around them cooled.

“I miss my folks, but I’ve been dead for over a year. Returning would destroy them all over. I’d rather let them remember me, even if it is as ‘Pilot Error.’ I died in space. I wasn’t the first. It was always on the cards.”

Keith could tell that this line of thought had plagued Shiro from the very first. He swallowed as memories of the report flooded through his mind. And, like Shiro had done for him, he said nothing, and let the confession flow.

“And even if I did go back, I’m a walking weapon. I’d either be further weaponised, or locked up, or broken down for parts. There’s no going back. I’ll always miss it, but there’s no home on Earth any more.”

The air around them settled. It suddenly felt cloying, not moving at all. Keith felt dead. Shiro’s dark humour had always spurred him into action before, or made him laugh at his own mortality and face it down, defiant. But when Shiro spoke of himself in the past tense… it felt too real, unbearably sad.

“So that’s us, is it? Exiled from Earth. Could be worse, I guess.”

“Between my arm and your heritage, we’re a mad scientist’s wet dream.” Ah, _there_ it was, that stone-faced delivery, the true mark of Shiro in good humour. “Best if we steer clear of Earth for a little while.”

They would take the others home, of course. But Shiro was right, between the military and the scientific community, the two of them were in as much danger on Earth as they were in any battle. At the very least, there would be no hope of privacy. At the worst, they could be killed. Keith felt his heart sink again. They were stuck between the unknown dangers of space and the known horrors of human inquisitiveness and prejudice. He hated how normal it felt, how inevitable.

Shiro nudged him again, the smooth metal cap of his elbow bumping against Keith’s arm.

“If you don’t mind… can I stay with you?”

Keith’s throat was sticking. He gave a nod. And then he turned and grabbed at Shiro’s wrist. Still not raising his eyes, he said once more,

“I love you. I’m in love with you. I hope… I hope that’s okay.”

Shiro leaned in, gentle. His hand, his metal hand, so much a part of him that Keith always seemed to forget, came up to touch Keith’s cheek, turning him to look at Shiro, face to face.

“I couldn’t wish for a higher honour,” He said, the words disappearing as they echoed around the room. “And I hope… I really hope you understand. I’ve been in love with you for a long, long time. And there’s nothing that could ever change that.”

Keith swallowed.

“I’m not going back to Earth.”

“That’s fine.”

“I’m half-alien, an abomination—”

“I don’t think so.”

“I’m going to hurt you!”

“Not likely,” Shiro said, moving forward as Keith leaned in, pressed their foreheads together, each of them feeling the other’s breath against their own lips.

“If I kiss you it’ll be too real,” Keith murmured, trying not to breathe.

“Would you regret it?”

“ _Never._ ”

“I love you, Keith,” Shiro whispered. “I want to save the universe, because I want to love you.” He made the first move, a kiss high on Keith’s cheekbone, sweet and pure. Keith turned towards it, disregarding the tears forming in the corners of his eyes, and caught Shiro’s lips.

And each thought, _oh, he feels like home._

And each thought, _oh, how I’ve missed you._

And each of them found, at the core of their souls, a more important reason to succeed, because going home was as simple as being together. Somehow, they had to. They _would._ No matter what.

**Author's Note:**

> 'Ankhoris', because Ankh-Morpork was literally the only thing my brain could provide. GNU Terry Pratchett, much missed <3
> 
> Catch me @orukamachi on tumblr if you don't want to comment here. Thanks for reading!


End file.
